Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
