i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
