Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
