did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Still dying that you shit outside
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
