I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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