You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
