I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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