remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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