you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
