So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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