Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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