I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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