i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
