you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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