I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize