I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
