Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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