weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
