Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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