WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
