Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
