you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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