dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
