ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
