booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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