8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
