i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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