Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is Oprah even human
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
