Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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