She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
