i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
