You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
