are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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