i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will pee on everything he values.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
