Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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