I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
