First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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