i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dick very happy bro
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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