I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
