I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
