Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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