I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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