Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
