I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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