I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
