becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
