I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
