sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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