Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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