As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
