she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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