Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
