It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
