I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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