Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
