Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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