gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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