Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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