it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
as a side note pls kill me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
