You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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