K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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