She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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