i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
