I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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