Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
