Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
