I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
