then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
