:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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