I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize