i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You've changed since you got that strap on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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