I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
